James Hoskin's

The Rules:

Simply Gather friends (if applicable) around the television. Place alcoholic drinks within easy reach. Watch "Red Dwarf" drinking when instructed to by the following rules. In case of confusion over whether or not to drink, always err on the side of drinking. Ready? Well then, "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!"

(Cat : 'I was with you all the way up to simply')

Take a sip if:

• Ace Rimmer calls Lister Skipper.
• Cat mentions an old cat saying.
• Cat mentions one of his favourite pastimes (sex, food, sleep, etc.).
• Cat praises his own good looks.
• Holly's IQ (or lack of) is mentioned.
• Holly displays how stupid he is.
• Holly does something right (this requires a celebration).
• Holly or Kryten have to explain something to someone else.
• Kochanski refers to her Dave.
• Kochanski complains about something (being in a parallel universe, food, Lister's habits etc.).
• Kryten is seen ironing, cooking or doing the laundry.
• Kryten mentions an add-on appliance that he can attach to his groinal socket.
• Kryten mentions an old android saying.
• Lister has a Lager.
• Lister says an old human saying.
• Rimmer acts cowardly
• Rimmer complains about being dead.
• Rimmer is insulted.
• Rimmer insults or is mean to someone else.
• Talkie toaster offers someone a toasted product.
• Talkie toaster offers an opinion on something.
• Anyone says Smeg.
• Anyone says What a guy! about Ace Rimmer.
• Anyone uses a bazookoid.
• Someone jokes about Lister not being human or being barely human.
• Any reference is made to any of Lister's undergarments.
• A Skutter is shown.
• A Polymorph changes into something that is not dangerous to the crew.

Take a gulp if:

• Ace Rimmer says Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
• Cat has a costume change.
• Cat wants to go out with any woman (Wilma Flintstone, Simulant, etc.).
• Kochanski displays how spoilt she is.
• Kryten's head is described (e.g. "amusingly shaped ice-cube").
• Kryten mentions accidentally welding his groinal socket to something.
• Kryten's spare heads are mentioned.
• Lister refers to an old lover (2 gulps if he does this especially to make Rimmer feel bad).
• Lister mentions Kristine Kochanski, and she is not on the ship.
• Lister does something disgusting (e.g. Eats, Drinks, Plucks his nose hairs)
• Rimmer has an embarrassing fact exposed about him (e.g. his middle name).
• Rimmer mentions one of his dull hobbies or interests (Risk, Hammond Organs, 20th Century Telegraph poles).
• Rimmer displays his love of military battles or mentions a great general.
• Rimmer mis-quotes a Space Corp Directive.
• Kryten then corrects a Space Corp Directive mis-quoted by Rimmer.
• Starbug crashes.
• A Polymorph changes into something that is dangerous to the crew.
• A polymorph attacks a member of the crew.
• Anyone sings (e.g. Ohm song and I'm gonna eat you little fishie).
• A hostile entity tries to kill them, and misses, allowing the crew to escape.
• You spot a continuity error.

Chug your entire drink if:

• Duane Dibbley shows up (you'll need it).
• Holly pulls a prank on someone.
• Kochanski is seen in that tight red rubber outfit.
• Kryten offers to kill himself, and is rejected
• Lister plays his guitar (or threatens to).
• Rimmer thinks that aliens exist or they have done something he can't explain (e.g. a whole toiletroll is used in one day).
• A Skutter does the two fingered salute to Rimmer.

Drink everything in sight if:

• Lister sleeps with Kochanski.
• Cat sleeps with anyone.
• They ever get home.

If you say Pished, you are Steaming, or you feel a Jackson Pollock coming on the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society has the following warning:

Disclaimer:

This is a game. This is only a game. The game might get a little hectic at times and no responsibility is taken for hospitalisation of any players. If drinking alcohol (I personally recommend this), do not drive. Do not operate heavy machinery. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200.