James Hoskin's

When you fill in an insurance claim form, there is a box where you can give your version of events. Here are some genuine answers.

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's intentions.
• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble, when my universal joints gave way, causing me to have an accident.
• As I approched the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared. It was too late to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
• An Invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my helmet, I found that I had a skull fracture.
• I was sure the old fellow would not make it to the other side of the street when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.
• I saw the slow moving, sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road, I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• The telephone pole was approching fast, I attempted to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front of my car.